What Type of Friend Are You? | Real Simple

What Type of Friend Are You? | Real Simple
RESULTS
You’re the confidante.
This beloved, mothering type is “the person others turn to when something is going wrong,” explains Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore ($13, amazon.com). “You’re going to listen to them and they value your advice. Your friends love you for that.”

“You have a nurturing personality,” says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend ($16, amazon.com). “You may be the oldest sibling in your family and are used to taking care of others. You exude confidence and have good judgment, so your friends trust you and value your opinions.” Adds Jeanne Martinet, author of Life Is Friends: A Complete Guide to the Lost Art of Connecting in Person($20, amazon.com), “You’re basically giving out love, and who doesn’t love that kind of friend?” 

But beware of people who take advantage of your generous spirit. “Unfortunately, you often attract a fair share of needy friends who are constantly plagued by problems and looking for support,” says Levine, who writes about friends at TheFriendshipBlog.com. “You need to set boundaries so you aren’t overwhelmed by their problems.” 

Also, if you’re really entrenched in the mothering role, you may not be getting what you need, points out Paul. “And it can be hard to flip that.”

Let your friends give you a hand every now and then. “Force yourself to ask other people for advice and to tell people about your problems,” says Martinet. “People like to help their friends, so allow your friends to help you.”

And at a party, don’t become so engrossed in intimate conversation that you forget to have fun. “Your instinct may be to ask questions of the other person,” says Martinet. “That’s fine, but you also need to force yourself to make observations—‘Doesn’t the hostess look nice?’ ‘Can you believe this weather?’ These keep the conversation going without keeping the focus entirely on the other person.”